but not sighs of desperation, misery and discontent
no, these are sighs of relaxation, happiness and inner peace (albeit through the obstructed sinuses, productive cough and general shitty feeling that man-flu lends itself to.)
it has been just over a month since i left work. for the first time in four years i had the whole of christmas and new year (and also weeks either side) to relax and rest myself. money hasn't been an issue because i've been doing a few locum shifts (extra last minute shifts to cover illness, etc) at my old job. perversely, locum shifts are paid much much better than if one does the same shift as a regular salaried doctor. as anti-consumerist and anti-materialistic as i am, it is amazing how double (sometimes triple?) pay will make even the most mundane tasks bearable.
and, in a week, myself and Ms D&C (who has also quit her job) will take ourselves off travelling for a few months. i can't wait.
some have told me what i'm doing is mad, career suicide, etc. fuck them i say. i've never been one to do what i've been told. at the end of the day it comes down to what makes you happy (surely?) having said that, i do have a bit of a back up plan for when i come back. looking back at the stuff i've written in this blog, if i was to be honest, i don't think i ever really could leave medicine full stop. for all the shittiness and shitty shitty times, at the end of the day i think it's what i'm good at. given the short time we each have on this planet, i've come to the decision that by being a doctor i can still make a bit of a difference. i'm not saying i'm going to cure cancer or save millions. it's not about that. as time has gone on, i've realised that (for me) it's about the little things, the small changes, the conversation here, the bit of advice there that makes the difference. ripples in a pond.
what i think the problem over the past couple of years was that i've been dying for a bit of time out, respite if you will. now that i've got it, i'm VERY VERY content.
so this is not really goodbye (as i've been melodramatically threatening in the posts preceding)... more of a "see you later." i'm going off to have some adventures, experience a different way of life away from medicine, see the pretty colours of the world.
i do think i'll be back. i'm pretty sure i'll be back. hopefully i won't be a miserable bastard when i return. at worst i'll return pissed off to be home but at least ready to start afresh.
and at best i'll be a rejuvenated person with a few exciting stories to tell.
i'd also like to thank everyone who comments/supports/encourages me to continue this blog. even if i don't reply, i do read every single response.
so long everyone. i'm not sure when i'll next post but i'll see you all very soon.
[i am listening to She's A Rainbow by the Rolling Stones.]