apologies firstly for the lack of communication. i was recuperating following the trials of the course and yet another weekend on call. i was so busy doing the course that i didn't really have time to let the horrible belly aching anticipation of a weekend set in. and when it came round to it, it was quick and relatively painless (though not for my patient who needed a chest drain - think of a hosepipe plunged into the chest wall and you're not far off. ouch.)
tonight i struggled to get much studying done so instead opted at about 10pm to go meet a guy i grew up with. he was meeting some other friends for a beer and asked me to come along as it was local. he's moving abroad in three weeks and i probably won't see him for some time so i thought now was as good as any night.
it was weird. our lives have diverged so much. we used to spend all our time together from about 5 to 15 years old. but i don't think we could be any different. it was still a good laugh. but... strange. i'm not exactly sure how to describe the feeling. it just didn't seem natural, like when i'm around my friends now, which is all the more peculiar as we have more history than people i know now and regard as my closest.
he was saying at one point (a little intoxicated - he'd been in the pub some time) that he was jealous of me which came as a real surprise and i did feel a little uncomfortable. i suppose it comes down to frames of reference. he has no concept of how difficult i'm finding things at the moment (though let's make it clear my life is no homeless in quake ridden pakistan or bombed baghdad) but to be fair i have no idea of what his life is like. not really anyway. i was struck by how unsure of himself he was despite his essex swagger and gift of the gab (i have inadvertantly given away my background...) and thought underlying all the gags and banter we had that there was this tinge of melancholy. i don't know really. as i said our lives have really gone in different ways.
i wonder what will happen to him when he leaves the country. he's going to canada to live with his fiancee. i hope he'll be happy and i wish him all the best.
will i see him again? honestly? probably not. we are so different now. and although i know that, it makes me very sad. when you're tiny you think that now is forever. it's only later that you realise how transient moments actually are.
will stop now as things are getting too dark! i did see a dog to day wearing a little red jumper which made me laugh. as if he said "hmmm what shall i put on this morning? i know! something bright as it's so miserable outside!"
[i am falling asleep to staralfur by sigur ros]