ok so i work a senior house officer (a junior doctor, 2 years after graduation) in a large teaching hospital in London.
i went into medicine as a fresh faced (though not as handsome back then - i fucking age well) essex lad with hopes of "making a difference" and "helping people" even though everyone at the time said you don't really.
well 8 years later i'm hating it.
i love the subject, love the patients, love the intellectual aspect. the problem is i don't love it enough to justify spending a seventh of each year working nights/weekends/late shifts.
as each day goes by i'm resenting the fact that it takes up so much of my life. i would rather be travelling, listening/playing music, doing a job i enjoy.
i really don't know what to do. in a way i'm glad i'm being honest to myself that i'm not getting anything like as much out of it as i used to but i don't know what to do about it.
apparently i'm not alone in feeling this way.
what is it about medicine in the NHS/medicine today that is making it so unappealing? i'm getting pretty sick of defending the NHS (which i still maintain is one of the few good things left about this country) when i'm so miserable in it.
that and what to do now is the reason for me foraying into the internet. this blog is supposed to be a way of finding out why good people (hopefully me being one of them) are feeling so disillusioned working in what should be a blinding profession.
there isn't one really at the moment but here's as far as i've got:
- i finish my job in august 2006
- stick it out till then
- get some exams (you have to do post-graduate exams to go into a speciality) as if my life goes tits up then i've got something to fall back on
- take 6 months off, maybe a year
- travel - South America is calling
- that's it....
- you should always have an even number of list points
so there you go
that's the point of this blog... vaguely.
only 14.5 hours before i have to get up for work tomorrow. that, my friends, is depressing.
[i have been listening to the bucket by kings of leon]